Episode 5. Chennai Pride Success + Homosexuality Decriminalized…

Chennai Pride 2009: I'm the one in the middle, wearing a pink shirt and brandishing a rainbow flag. All around me are people from the lgbtqka and ally communities whom I know and love.

Hey Folks,

I wish I could write more, but I’m at an Internet cafe in Dharamsala (Himalayas) that’s closing soon, and since I won’t have much Internet access until the end of July because I’ll be traveling/trekking in the Himalayas, I wanted to at least say a couple words about how Chennai Pride went and about some recent developments in India’s queer rights movement.

1) Chennai Pride was AMAZING, POWERFUL, INSPIRATIONAL…a HUGE SUCCESS.  Well over 300 people marched – lgbtqka folks as well as family, friends, and colleagues.  There were tons of onlookers watching on the sidelines the entire length of the march.  The media came en masse – loads of TV news crews and print journalists.  A few folks and I had the role of leading call-and-response chanting in Tamil and English.   I definitely lost my voice by the end of the march, and by the time I got home, I had felt like I had just run a marathon, having put my entire body into the march – jumping wildly, dancing, vocalizing with my brothers and sisters with all our might.  When the march ended, we were all hugging and cheering in ecstasy.  It had happened.  And it was a f*ckin’ incredible  success.  History had been made.  And we all looked FABULOUS doing so .  The next day, Chennai’s Pride March was featured on the front page of many newspapers – including all the major ones – and was all over the news on TV.  The Chennai lgbtqka community has made its mark.  The community is filled with confidence and strength to pursue the work that lay ahead of us over the coming years.

I will elaborate on the march and post pictures, links to news articles, and footage from the march when I have more time at a computer.  (Yours truly was apparently quoted and pictured in print and on TV…i haven’t seen either since I left for the Himalayas the morning after the march, but I’m sure I sounded completely inarticulate in the midst of my marching fervor   )

2) FOUR DAYS AFTER THE MARCHES, ON JULY 2, THE DELHI HIGH COURT DELIVERED ITS JUDGMENT, DECRIMINALIZING HOMOSEXUALITY!!!!  We have faith that the rest of India will follow in DHC’s lead.  Congratulations and infinite gratitude to Voices Against 377, Alternative Law Forum, Naz Foundation, and the many others who fought so hard over the years against Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code to bring about this historic ruling.  People all over the country are celebrating.  Below are excerpts from the judgment that a member of the community sent to us.  I’ll post the full judgment later.

1) Excerpts:

The criminalisation of homosexuality condemns in perpetuity a sizable section of society and forces them to live their lives in the shadow of harassment, exploitation, humiliation, cruel and degrading treatment at the hands of the law enforcement machinery. The Government of India estimates the MSM number at around 25 lacs. The number of lesbians and transgenders is said to be several lacs as well. This vast majority (borrowing the language of the South African Constitutional Court) is denied “moral full citizenship”. Section 377 IPC grossly violates their right to privacy and liberty embodied in Article 21 insofar as it criminalises consensual sexual acts between adults in private. These fundamental rights had their roots deep in the struggle for independence and, as pointed out by Granville Austin in “The Indian Constitution – Cornerstone of A Nation”, “they were included in the Constitution in the hope and expectation that one day the tree of true
liberty would bloom in India”.

…

Section 377 IPC targets the homosexual community as a class and is motivated by an animus towards this vulnerable class of people.

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The criminalisation of private sexual relations between consenting adults absent any evidence of serious harm deems the provision’s objective both arbitrary and unreasonable. The state interest “must be legitimate and relevant” for the legislation to be non-arbitrary and must be proportionate towards achieving the state interest. If the objective is irrational, unjust and unfair, necessarily classification will have to be held as unreasonable. The nature of the provision of Section 377 IPC and its purpose is to criminalise private conduct of consenting adults which causes no harm to anyone else. It has no other purpose than to criminalise conduct which fails to conform with the moral or religious views of a section of society. The discrimination severely affects the rights and interests of homosexuals and deeply impairs their dignity.

…

Section 377 IPC has the effect of viewing all gay men as criminals. When everything associated with homosexuality is treated as bent, queer, repugnant, the whole gay and lesbian community is marked with deviance and perversity. They are subject to extensive prejudice because what they are or what they are perceived to be, not because of what they do. The result is that a significant group of the population is, because of its sexual non-conformity, persecuted, marginalised and turned in on itself.

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The inevitable conclusion is that the discrimination caused to MSM and gay community is unfair and unreasonable and, therefore, in breach of Article 14 of the Constitution of India.

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We hold that sexual orientation is a ground analogous to sex and that discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is not permitted by Article 15.

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The impugned provision in Section 377 IPC criminalises the acts of sexual minorities particularly men who have sex with men and gay men. It disproportionately impacts them solely on the basis of their sexual orientation. The provision runs counter to the constitutional values and the notion of human dignity which is considered to be the cornerstone of our Constitution. Section 377 IPC in its application to sexual acts of consenting adults in privacy discriminates a section of people solely on the ground of their sexual orientation which is analogous to prohibited ground of sex. A provision of law branding one section of people as criminal based wholly on the State’s moral disapproval of that class goes counter to the equality guaranteed under Articles 14 and 15 under any standard of review.

…

(Rex note: Oh, look! California Attorney General Jerry Brown’s argument…)

In the present case, the two constitutional rights relied upon i.e. ‘right to personal liberty’ and ‘right to equality’ are fundamental human rights which belong to individuals simply by virtue of their humanity, independent of any utilitarian consideration. A Bill of Rights does not ‘confer’ fundamental human rights. It confirms their existence and accords them protection.

…

CONCLUSION

129. The notion of equality in the Indian Constitution flows from the ‘Objective Resolution’ moved by Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru on December 13, 1946. Nehru, in his speech, moving this Resolution wished that the House should consider the Resolution not in a spirit of narrow legal wording, but rather look at the spirit behind that Resolution. He said, ‘Words are magic things often enough, but even the magic of words sometimes cannot convey the magic of the human spirit and of a Nation’s passion…….. (The Resolution) seeks very feebly to tell the world of what we have thought or dreamt of so long, and what we now hope to achieve in the near future.’ [Constituent Assembly Debates: Lok Sabha Secretariat, New Delhi: 1999, Vol. I, pages 57-65].

130. If there is one constitutional tenet that can be said to be underlying theme of the Indian Constitution, it is that of ‘inclusiveness’. This Court believes that Indian Constitution reflects this value deeply ingrained in Indian society, nurtured over several generations. The inclusiveness that Indian society traditionally displayed, literally in every aspect of life, is manifest in recognising a role in society for everyone. Those perceived by the majority as “deviants” or ‘different’ are not on that score excluded or ostracised.

131. Where society can display inclusiveness and understanding, such persons can be assured of a life of dignity and non- discrimination. This was the ‘spirit behind the Resolution’ of which Nehru spoke so passionately. In our view, Indian Constitutional law does not permit the statutory criminal law to be held captive by the popular misconceptions of who the LGBTs are. It cannot be forgotten that discrimination is anti- thesis of equality and that it is the recognition of equality which will foster the dignity of every individual.

132. We declare that Section 377 IPC, insofar it criminalises consensual sexual acts of adults in private, is violative of Articles 21, 14 and 15 of the Constitution. The provisions of Section 377 IPC will continue to govern non-consensual penile non-vaginal sex and penile non-vaginal sex involving minors. By ‘adult’ we mean everyone who is 18 years of age and above. A person below 18 would be presumed not to be able to consent to a sexual act. This clarification will hold till, of course, Parliament chooses to amend the law to effectuate the recommendation of the Law Commission of India in its 172nd Report which we believe removes a great deal of confusion. Secondly, we clarify that our judgment will not result in the re-opening of criminal cases involving Section 377 IPC that have already attained finality. We allow the writ petition in the above terms.

CHIEF JUSTICE and S.MURALIDHAR, J

JULY 2, 2009

 

Episode 4. It’s Really Happening: Our First Pride March

In just a few days, on Sunday, June 28, an historic event will occur in Chennai – the city’s first Pride March. We’ll join Mumbai, Bangalore, and Delhi (which had their first marches last year), as well as Kolkata (10 years of marches!) and Bhubaneshwar (first march) as members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, kothi, aravani, queer, and questioning community, along with heterosexual allies, family, friends, supporters from Dalit groups, women’s rights groups, NGOs working on all sorts of issues, fathers and mothers, sons and daughters, the young and old, will all march together in solidarity to honor and celebrate the lives, dignity, rights, and courage of same-sex loving and gender non-conforming individuals, to vocalize the need for just treatment of all people, to make ourselves visible.

Last week, we received police permission for the march, the official stamp saying “go ahead. Do. Yo. Thang.” I remember the nervous excitement in the air as my friends and I stood outside the police commissioner’s office, writing the request letter and waiting to enter his office. I remember how we cheered on the street and hugged each other and shared this feeling of “We did it. We’ve got the permission. It’s really happening!”

This march will be the culmination of what has been a complicated and colorful term as a William J. Clinton Fellow for Service in India, a period wrought with frustration and disappointment, mainly with myself, and blessed with experiences, observations, lessons, and relationships that have made the year ultimately a fulfilling one, that have made me 100% sure that I will be coming back to India – a place I can now also call a home – soon after my fellowship ends at the end of August.

As I write this, I’ve just come back with my partner-in-crime, my sistah, Ani, from picking out massive amounts of satin cloth for the tailor to transform into huge rainbow Pride flags that’ll playfully dance in the wind Sunday as we march, skip, frolic, stomp along Marina Beach, the main beach in Chennai, from the Labour Statue to the Gandhi Statue. After leaving the tailor’s, Ani and I sat at the local juice shop, sipping fresh lime-mint-ginger fruit juice loaded with too much sugar, reminiscing about the past couple months and the back-and-forths in preparing for the march: Hey folks, shall we do it? Let’s do it! Who’s gonna help? We’ll all help! Who’s putting in time and effort? No one. Maybe we shouldn’t do it this year. Of course everyone f*cking WANTS a march, but who’s going to put in the time? Let’s wait to build a stronger community. We’ll do it next year, when there will be more people willing and able to put in the effort. Next year. Not this year. Let’s do it. Let’s DO it this year. I’ll help. And I’ll help. And we’ll help. And they’ll help. Hey, I want to get involved! Hey, I can take on this task. And I can do that one! . I’m straight but can I help? Of course! Straight allies welcome! I’ll march! I’ll definitely be there. I’ll spread the word. Are you for real? I’m there! What started out as a meeting between a few of us grew into a community-wide coalition, with people from many different parts of the community spectrum working together to make the Pride March and the various events of Pride Month HAPPEN. As Ani and I sat at that juice shop tonight, we could rejoice in the success of the Pride events that occurred the previous weeks and pulse with anticipation about the upcoming march. The kind of energy I’ve been suffused with over the weeks while working with the other coalition members, coordinating tasks, recruiting volunteers from the queer and ally communities, and spreading the word about Pride Month has been a noticeably unique type of energy, one that has made me vibrate and smile uncontrollably.

It’s only fitting that as I near the end of my fellowship – I go back to the U.S. at the end of August for a few months before coming back to India – I am able to work with my queer sisters and brothers on Pride Month – sisters and brothers of a community and a culture and ways of life that for the past 10 months I’ve had the privilege of connecting with, bonding with, getting the opportunities to understand the complex nuances of – from the intricacies of sexual identities here, to the politics within and between sub-communities, to the variety of work being done around sexual health and civil and human rights. I think about some of the ways I’ve been fortunate to experience and understand the world of gender and sexuality in India…

• the way sexual identities differ along class lines….“gay/queer” identities are used by those with more class privilege, higher education (and thus more English-speaking) and Western exposure, while “kothi” and other local identities are used by those from more working class and poor SES, who have thus had less access to education and are non-English-speaking
• the elusiveness, complicated nuances, and infinite permutations of gender identity/sexual orientation…for example, the fluidity between “kothi” (same-sex loving men with a strong feminine identity) and “aravani/hijra” (male-to-female transgender…aravanis are the TGs in Tamil Nadu, while hijras are the TGs in other parts of India)
• the extreme lack of visibility and support for lesbians and trans men (female-to-male)….the suicides that have happened among lesbians.
• the pressure within hijra and aravani communities to conform to a strict idea of how to be hijra/aravani…the disdain they have for hijras/arivanis who have romantic relationships with other trans women
• the Tamil Nadu government’s progressive stance on and support of the transgender community when compared to the rest of India – ration/identity cards where you can choose M for male, F for female, or T for transgender; free sex reassignment surgery; a welfare board; public toilets specifically for TGs (but this is laden with controversy). It’s funny how in India, there is much more acceptance of TGs than gays and lesbians, but in the U.S., it’s the complete opposite. Despite TG support, gay/bi/lesbian/kothi/f2m issues lack attention in India.
• attending the Koovagam festival in Tamil Nadu, where I saw thousands of aravanis and kothis embark on this small town to symbolically marry-and-widow the god Aravan at the temple, a festival where massive amounts of sex happen between the local men and the aravanis/kothis, where major HIV/AIDS agencies sponsor beauty pageants and other events
• the homophobic and heterosexist stance among some members of the trans community who believe that if you’re a man and you’re attracted to other men, then you should become a woman like them. It’s wrong to remain a man if you love men.
• Integrating myself into the queer community in various parts of India: volunteering at the Bangalore Queer Film Festival and forming lasting bonds with queer activists there; befriending queer activists while in Mumbai and having the older ones share with me their histories, frustrations, and joys of the city’s queer activism over so many years; being a part of Chennai’s emerging gay/kothi/aravani/queer community
• Observing the grassroots work my NGO and other HIV/AIDS NGOs in Chennai, Bangalore, and Mumbai do with kothis, aravanis , and female sex workers around prevention, counseling, advocacy, police harassment, and empowerment
• Seeing men everywhere being physically affectionate with each other in public as a normal part of male bonding culture – holding hands, playful touches. The prevalence of men having sex with other men, including while married (and many kothi-identifying men are married).
• Observing the courageous work of my friends at the Lotus sangam performing street plays in villages to sensitize elected officials and residents on the harassment and issues that kothis face
• Sharing with my NGO colleagues my views on and experiences with queer activism and the culture of gender nonconformity and sexual orientation in the U.S., answering their questions, and hearing their experiences working with MSM and female sex workers in Tamil Nadu over the years
• Counseling and being an ongoing resource to a man who called my NGO and wants to become a woman, and is sexually attracted to other women, but who doesn’t see any examples of lesbian trans women in India.
• Being in India while the battle against Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code – which criminalizes homosexuality – has been fought in the Delhi High Court. Some of my friends here have been on the team fighting the case, and I’m inspired by their determination, by the determination of the community nationwide, to fight this unjust and archaic law handed down to us by the British Raj. The community is waiting to hear the final verdict. Will same-sex love no longer be criminal in India?

These conversations and experiences have been sporadic. They’ve only made up, unfortunately, a small portion of my time here when compared to how many days I’ve been in India since September. But I feel like I’ve been able to learn and see and attach myself to a lot of aspects of India’s sexual minority community and its realities that most people don’t get a chance to know (or choose to ignore), including many people who’ve lived here their whole lives.

There’s of course so much more to experience and understand, so much more growing to do. But it’s a start.  And as I march down the streets of Chennai with my queer comrades, voices booming, hearts engorged with exhilaration (and some with fear), history being made, I’ll feel like the luckiest man, having been able to achieve a long-standing goal of mine that started when I was in college – to be in India and become a part of the country’s queer movement.

P.S. – Sorry for not posting in months!  I have 10 months worth of photographs to upload online, but I’ve already started, and I’ll soon post links to those albums in case you’d like to see visual representations of the exhilarating adventures of Desiqueer throughout these many months.  In future posts, I hope to backtrack to different  aspects of the fellowship term and go into further detail about each professional and personal experience.  Sorry it’ll all be in severe retrospect, but better late than never!

Episode 3. What the Hell Am I Doing In Chennai, You Ask?

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We don't mess. [a.k.a. "We were going for the Indian no-smile style snap, but SOMEONE didn't read the memo....ehemmm, Mr. Hemant on the far right."

Logo and slogan of Anandwan, one of the most inspiring places I've ever been to. The slogan will make more sense if you read up on Anandwan, Baba Amte, and their histories.

Here I am co-facilitating the gender and sexuality workshop for 40-50 HIV counselors in Chennai's government hospitals. Introducing concepts of queerness, gay and straight MTF and FTM, heterosexism, and such as they relate to effective, empathetic counseling felt amazing.

With the past two blog posts being news to some of you that I even left the U.S. in the first place, a number of folks have asked me to disclose why-I’m-in-India-where I’m-stationed-when-I’m-coming-back-who-I‘m-working-with-what-I’ve-been-experiencing-and-envisaging-in-my-work-and-how-I-feel-about-Britney’s-comeback.  Typical whowhatwherewhywhenhow curiosities.  Rumors have been circulating that I’ve moved to Kashmir to single-handedly solve the territorial dispute, that I’ve become a Bollywood superstar and am breaking waves as India’s first openly queer mainstream film icon, that I no longer go by “Praveen” or “Prev,” but by Guru Sri Sriharikumar the Fabulously Enlightened One.

With Obama being sworn in today, marking a new chapter in his life, in all of our lives, it seems only appropriate to finally oblige ya’ll with answers to your questions and set the record straight about this new chapter in my professional (ergo personal) life.

In forthcoming posts, I’ll go into detail about different aspects of my work in India, about ups-and-downs-and-all-arounds of various sorts – conversations, elucidations, discombobulation, navigation (sans compass), conceptualizations, pontifications, frustrations-and-elations, Odyssean alternations between progress and blockage/back-peddling, adventures, debates, romance, dreams, disillusionment, embracement, cynicism, holding-on-and-letting-go, and the practice of gratitude.  But I’ll limit this particular post to a general introduction about my work.

I came to India on September 1st, 2008 on an American India Foundation Service Corps Fellowship.  The American India Foundation is an international development organization that works to progress social and economic development in India, most notably by funding NGOs in public health, education, and livelihood; awarding a select number of fellowships to individuals to work with an Indian NGO for a year; and scaling its Digital Equalizer program to schools throughout India to enable students to actively participate in the education process and bridge the socio-economic mobility divide between resource-deprived and more privileged schools.  In a nutshell, as an AIF Service Corps Fellow my aim is to plan and implement a project at an NGO for a year that helps build its capacity in some shape or form, be it initiating a new endeavor, supporting a currently existing program, or a host of other possibilities.  We are also guest judges at the Miss India pageant.

Okay, that last one doesn’t happen…yet.

I am stationed at the South India AIDS Action Programme (oh how I long to spell programme not the British way, but with ONE “m” and NO “e,” the true AMERICAN WAY…”my country tiiiis of thee…sweet, sweet land of…) in Chennai, the capital city of Tamil Nadu, the southernmost state in India.  The South India AIDS Action Programme (or Siaap) is an HIV/AIDS NGO that works in prevention, education, and care with a strong emphasis on promoting grassroots community empowerment, working towards self-erasure, training HIV counselors, and innovating ways to partner with different constituencies to stem the tide of the epidemic.  My fellowship work at Siaap involves documenting my host NGO’s best practices by interviewing and surveying members of the marginalized communities it works with; evaluating, observing gaps in, and making recommendations for its HIV counselor training program (the NGO’s director has implemented my recommendations! woohoo!); helping revise and conduct the gender and sexuality workshop component of its trainings (my first revision and co-facilitation of the workshop went wonderfully, with enthusiastic feedback from the HIV counselors!); and initiating a “web presence” strategy I proposed involving a website redesign, web marketing tools, and new and enhanced web content in an effort to reach a wider national and international audience (thus sharing Siaap’s good practices with a wide range of people and attracting interested funders and potential collaborators) and to serve as a web 2.0 resource for the communities Siaap works with.

In the process of documenting best practices and implementing a web-presence strategy, I will be making field visits to villages throughout Tamil Nadu in 2009, particularly to Siaap’s field offices, its MSM and WSS sangams (MSM = men-who-have-sex-with-men; WSS = women selling sex, a.k.a. female sex workers; sangam = COMO = community-owned-and-managed organization), and its Thrift Cooperatives for women and the visually challenged (TCs are similar to microfinance SHGs, but with some important differences).  Like I mentioned already, during these field visits, I’ll be interviewing and surveying, as well as filming, members of these marginalized communities, Siaap’s staff, and stakeholders to gather qualitative data and compelling footage on the lives of the community members and Siaaps’ innovative and effective practices –  as well as struggles and lessons learned – over its nearly twenty-year history, resulting in my creating videos and write-ups of case studies and success stories.

Down the line I will be proposing some other initiatives I’d love to see Siaap take up, including some specific skills-training for the MSM and WSS in the villages Siaap has offices in, as well as an outcome/impact evaluation of Siaap’s programs.

All the above-mentioned activities fall under the fellowship project I proposed to AIF that I’d do at my NGO – “Taking Stock, Moving Forward: Documenting Past and Current Practices while Initiating and Instituting New Ones.”

In a few days, I’ll leave Chennai on a four-day field visit to villages in Tirunelveli and Kanyakumari to film the annual meeting of the Thrift Cooperative for the visually challenged and interview, survey, and conduct a focus group discussion with members of that TC as well as of the women’s TCs in that area.  I will do a similar field visit to another area – Trichy – from Feb. 4-6.  The following week, I’ll be evaluating another of Siaap’s trainings.  Then, I’m off to Kerala for a week-long heavenly vacation enjoying nature, nature, nature.  After that, for the remainder of February, I’ll be helping develop a workshop on “establishing community norms” for a few MSM, transgender, and WSS groups Siaap works with, followed by a field visit to film the unique work of an MSM sangam that received a World Bank award/fund to educate panchayat leaders about MSM/kothi/arivani issues of stigma and discrimination.  The 2008 half of my project was challenging for a variety of reasons – filled with ups and downs, periods of productivity and enriching activity intermingling with boughts of personal stagnancy, melancholy, and disillusionment – and it wasn’t this bustling all the time, but now that I’ve developed more lucidity around my project, the 2009 half looks to be a more exhilarating, sedulous period in my work.

……………………

Coda – Part 1: I just came back from a week-long midpoint retreat for my fellowship at Anandwan in the state of Maharashtra.  I encourage all of you, if you ever get the chance, to spend some days at this one-of-a-kind intentional living community.  It is possibly the most inspiring place I’ve been to.  It felt ethereal at times.  I feel truly grateful for having had the privilege to experience such a place,  It’s founder, Baba Amte, a disciple of Gandhi who truly dedicated all his breath to social justice , passed away last year.  If you’ve got some time, take a few moments to read about Babe Amte, Anandwan, and his other work.  To Sushil and Sundeep:  Remember how we’ve dreamily talked about acquiring some land one day and creating a community where we could raise our children together and promote socio-economic change together?  Spend some time at Anandwan to invigorate and strengthen that idea.  Of course, most intentional living communities go horribly wrong and fail, but while we learn from those endeavors’ mistakes, let’s also let success stories like Anandwan keep us envisaging and persevering with might.

Coda – Part 2:  After being with my fellow AIF Fellows for that week and hearing detailed descriptions about the work they’re doing at their respective NGOs around India, I can honestly say that I feel so proud to be a part of this cohort of dedicated folks.  I’m awed by the kind of work they’re doing and how intimately tied they are – effortfully, passionately, creatively, scrutinizingly – to the work, to their host NGOs, to the communities they work with.

Coda – Part 3: Outside of work, I’ve been taking Tamil classes (but I don’t know anymore Tamil than when I first arrived), learning mrudangam from a wonderful guru (the video is neither of me nor my guru), getting involved in queer activism, and making some dope friends.  By the end of this month I will have my first bharatanatyam dance class since college. (It’ll feel so good to move and work my feet, arms, hands, and mind like that again….it’s been too long.)  More on that stuff at a later time.  (And there are some new albums from Sept 2008 posted on Flickr.  Now, I can finally move onto October.)

Episode 2. Uno Momento: Gender (Non)Conformity and a Day with My Niece in India

Divya kicking my a** at Uno, before my astounding comeback.

Today has been “Praveen and Divya Day.” Our day. Our day spent chatting over a marathon game of Uno.

Early this morning Divya’s dad, Venky, knocked on my door, waking me up in my second hour of sleep. [I had wound up going to bed at the crack of dawn (literally), after pulling an all-nighter combating a sluggish and crash-prone internet connection to finally piece together the initial building blocks of this blog.] Venky had come down with a fever and was going to the doctor with his parents, leaving me to watch after my 6-year-old niece, Divya.

So began the Day of Uno.

Long story short: a marathon 500-point game of Uno between me and my niece, with consistent breaks for going to the potty, eating, showering, coloring, expanding her vocabulary (I taught her the concepts of “adaptation,” with regards to the evolution of animals’ digestive tracts, and “mind over matter”), and checking email. (That last one was for me, not my niece. She doesn’t have an email address…yet. I know, I know – she’s a late bloomer. But I give her one more year before she jumps on the 1st grade bandwagon and gets the hottest new toy – her very own gmail account.)

In our 6^th or 7^th round of playing Uno on the front porch – gigantic coconut palms all around us and a pleasantly noiseless Calm resting in the air – I swallowed my hesitation, made sure Venky’s parents weren’t within earshot, and resumed the conversation from yesterday when Divya nonchalantly mentioned to me her former classmate, Isaac, who wore pink nail polish and the occasional skirt to school.

Uncle Praveen: “Hey Divi? What was the name again of the boy in your class who you said wore nail polish and a skirt?”

Divya: Oh! You mean Isaac!

Uncle Praveen: Yeah, Isaac. How did you feel about Isaac wearing nail polish and a skirt? How did the other kids treat Isaac?

Divya: Well, the boys made fun of him, but we [a group of female classmates] told them to stop teasing him, but they kept doing it. So, we told Isaac to ignore them and come and play with us. He wanted to play with us so he did. Isaac wanted to be the queen, so we made him the queen. He was the queen who gave away everything that he, I mean she, had. That was the game. And we were the princesses who helped him. We liked that game. The boys were still teasing us, but we just ignored them. They were saying “Isaac is like a giiiiirl. Isaac is like a girrrrrl.” (Divya reenacts this in a sing-songy manner typical of children’s teasing.) We said “STOP IT” the first time. Then we went up to the boys and said, “How do you think Isaac feels when you tease him?”

Uncle Praveen: How did Isaac react to the boys’ making fun of him?

Divya: He was like this (Divya stands with her arms crossed, her head down, and her face scrunched in disgruntlement) He was mad.

Uncle Praveen: Ohh. And so what did you girls say again?

Divya: We said, “How do you think Isaac feels when you tease him? They thought about it. They said, “Bad?” We said “How would it feel to you if we did it to you?” And they said, “We’ll feel very mad at you and chase you.” We said, “We’re not scared. Okay, do it.” But the boys didn’t do it. Now some of the boys are afraid of the girls because we made like a serious speech. We asked them why they’re scared of us. We didn’t even go to the teachers. We took care of it by ourselves.

Uncle Praveen: So they didn’t chase you?

Divya: The boys then did chase us, but only until the end of recess. They were chasing us away so they could make fun of Isaac. Isaac said “Stop chasing the girls.” The boys said, “Na na na na foo foo. You. Can’t. Catch. Me.” Isaac said, “You don’t know that. You don’t know how fast I am. But I don’t care what you say.”

Uncle Praveen: Did Isaac ever come back to school with nail polish or a skirt?

Divya: Yeah! He did come back to school with nail polish and skirts. He came about once a week, like every Monday to start the week. He only wore a skirt a few times.

Uncle Praveen: Did the boys still make fun of him?

Divya: No. Then the boys stopped making fun of him. This was last year. The boys were older than us. They were 6.

Uncle Praveen: How do you feel about boys dressing and being and feeling like girls, and girls dressing and acting like boys?

Divya: I think its FINE! I liked it. We like that he wanted to be like us. We like that he wanted to be like girls. It doesn’t matter if boys dress like girls or girls dress like boys. I sometimes dress like a boy. I wear pants. Boys and girls should wear what they want. We were happy when he was with us. It’s not against the LAW. The land. It’s not against the rules for boys to be like girls. I’m great friends with Isaac. He’s also great at coloring and drawing. He’s even a little better than me. (My niece is a FANTASTIC colorer and drawer, by the way. She takes after her Uncle Praveen J .)

I went on to tell Divi how proud I was of her and gave her some final take away messages about gender nonconformity (I didn’t use those exact words, of course) being perfectly okay and about how there are many kids out there like Isaac who are in kindergarten and whom she’ll meet each step of the way as she grows older.

I told my brother-in-law about the conversation Divi and I had. He said she’s very protective of Isaac.

My. Niece. Rocks. (My other two nieces rock, too.)

A couple years ago, when Divya and I were playing with her dollhouse, she was storytelling about the mommy and the daddy in the house. That’s when I said to her, “You know, Divi, some families have two mommies, and some families have two daddies. Families don’t have to have just a mommy and daddy. They can have two mommies or two daddies.” She cocked her head to the side, looked curiously into space, and quietly, confusedly let out a drawn out “noooooo” with the innocent tone and cadence like that of “silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.” I haven’t approached her again with the topic of same-sex couples since that day, but given the conversation we had today, I will be more open to reopening that can of worms with her and seeing where she’s at. I never cease to be amazed by the exponential rate at which kids (especially girls) at this age morph, emotionally and intellectually mature, form opinions/beliefs/values/principles, and increasingly take firm stances on issues.

Next stop on the gender (non)conformity discussion train: Hijras and Arivanis. J

(By the way, my niece kicked my ass in Uno for the first half-dozen rounds, leading me by a hundred points, but I’ve come back from behind with full steam. I’m only twenty points behind now. I’ve got 21 years on the kid. I can do this.)

Episode 1. On the first day of Christmas my mother gave to me…

“Look at me. I’m so deep.”

3 boxes of Cliff bars…2 purple saris for my landlord and her daughter…and Tom’s-of-Maine deodorant in a coconut. palm. treeeeeeeeeeeee. lalala.

Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Merry Festivus, Happy Holidays, my beautiful friends.

Alas…my first blog post.  I have been writing in my journal throughout my time here in India, so in order to fill you all in on what’s been happening in my life since arriving in India on September 1, 2008, for my American India Foundation Service Corps Fellowship, I will intermittently post diary entries from the past four months amidst up-to-date blog entries.  So….here goes nothing…

The following journal entry was written yesterday, on Christmas Eve:

It’s Christmas Eve in India.  As I write this, I am coasting along on an 8-hour train ride from Chennai - the [coastal] capital city of Tamil Nadu and the location of my fellowship placement – to Coimbatore, on the Tamil Nadu/Kerala border, to visit my brother-in-law, Venky, and my 6-year-old niece, Divya, who are flying into India tonight from the U.S. to visit Venky’s parents, who live in the city of Coimbatore.  This will be the furthest West I will have travelled in Tamil Nadu since arriving in Chennai in September.

There’s a deluge of adrenaline flowing through my body right now.  Why?  Well, for a few reasons.

Reason 1: The trigger for this burst of hopeful energy taking me over is the fact that for a full hour leading up to my train ride, I was stressed shitless and cursing the inefficiency and non-sensical practices of the Indian public works and railway system for being so slow that I was bound to miss my train, but, thanks to the inefficiency and non-sensical practices of the Indian public works and railway system, I still made my train – heart pounding and adrenaline rushing - despite arriving butt late to the station.  This leads into the next reason for how I’m feeling right now.

Reason 2: Anytime I get a sudden spike of elation shooting through me as a result of a positive occurrence, all my dreams, all the possibilities, all my wishes for this life and expectations I have of myself seem achievable.  Thus, there exists a positive feedback cycle of sorts, whereby

Positive Event  =>  Adrenaline Rush  => Rush of Optimistic Thinking  =>  Increase in Excitability  =>  Stronger Immersion into Imagining Achievement of Dreams and Goals  =>  Further Spike of Adrenaline (and so forth).

The hope of pursuing, finding fulfillment in, and achieving some degree of success in the arts and in social justice work never fails to be the first vision to play itself out in my mind during these “highs.”  I’m  looking forward to this week-long respite away from life in Chennai so that I can attempt to re-center myself (or re-attempt to center myself for the first time?), give my body what it constantly craves but rarely gets from me (e.g., fuller breath, stretching and strengthening, and the like), enjoy nature, and just simply be good to myself (perplexingly easier said than done) as a fundamental step towards pursuing those goals, towards manifesting those imaginings that enter my thoughts daily and give me these surges of excitement, of audacious hope, of endorphin-laden moments.

Reason 3 for this current feeling:  At some point in the next few days, I will see my relatives, whom I haven’t seen since I last came to India nineteen years ago in 1989.  I don’t know what to expect.  I’ll see a batch in Coimbatore and a batch around Ooty and Coonoor, two hillstations near my parents’ village.  (By the way, when I say “relatives,” I am always referring to my mother’s side of the family, since I have no connection to my father’s side.)  I can imagine each relative I see, especially my aunts and uncles and grandmother, crying incessantly when they see me (Indians are pretty melodramatic people).  I imagine the nerves and anxiety will intensely prickle all over my skin the moments right before I see the whites of their eyes.  I imagine their curiosities tickled and turned into a barrage of questions and remarks about my piercings, girlfriends/marriage, “why are you so thin?!  aren’t they feeding you in Chennai,” why I don’t have a Masters degree yet, how much money I earn, what it means to work in a “non-profit” in the field of gender/sexuality/HIV/AIDS.  I imagine myself constantly worrying about whether or not wonderings about my sexual orientation are entering their minds as their gazes conspicuously scan me up and down and take stock of my being as we converse amidst a thick air of nervous excitement and overwhelming emotions.

Or, it could be nothing like any of that.

All I know is that it’s gonna be a trip.  T-R-I-P, trip.

My family and I actually didn’t tell my relatives that I was moving to India, to a city in the same state they live in.  We didn’t even tell them until this month that I was in Chennai, almost three months after my arrival here.  My family felt that if we had told them, they would have immediately gathered every relative ever known to our family (mind you, my mother has six siblings, all with children and grandchildren), caravanned at the speed of light across the entire state of Tamil Nadu, and bum-rushed me at my doorstep.  Out of respect for my need to have ample space and time to settle into my new life in India, my family had decided to wait to disclose my presence until I gave the green light.  Out of my own fears, worries, selfish requirements of independence, and lifelong state of existing in a vacuum of extended family, I firmly planted that red-light into the ground and left the meter running full strength, 24/7, for as long as I possibly could.

But the thing is, I can’t avoid them forever.  There really isn’t even any critical reason why I have so much anxiety about seeing them.  I think I just don’t want to deal with the awkwardness of all the crying they’ll do; the incessant doting and excessive attention they’ll tightly envelope me in; the unreasonable and uncomfortable requests they’ll make of me just because I’m that relative from the United States; the answers I’ll have to think of to any thorny, vexatious, or awkwardly personal questions they throw at me.  Just thinking of that inevitable day has been causing me so much stress, but really, I shouldn’t worry about it.  Ultimately, it’ll all be harmless, and at the end of the day, when all’s said and done,  I’m sure there will be no words to describe the feelings, the historic significance, the beauty and magic of this 20-year-reunion.  It’s just the runway leading up to the take off, so to speak, that’s frightfully difficult to maneuver.

P.S. – My sandals – my first ever pair of footwear with good arch support - that I bought in the U.S. right before I left for India, got stolen three days ago from the temple I was visiting.  Stolen.  From the TEMPLE shoe rack.  The TEMPLE for Pete’s sake.  SO messed up.

On the next episode of  “The Adventures of Desiqueer in Motherland,” Praveen ponders how to start talking to his 6-year-old niece about transgender/gender-non-conforming children after she tells him during their first day in Coimbatore together about her male classmate who wears pink nailpolish and sometimes comes to school in a skirt.  And we look back on some classic moments from Desiqueer’s early days in India.  Stay tuned.